The New "B" Word

My dear pal, Shari, and I talk several times a week whether on the phone or e-mail.  She has been a fabulous 'accountability partner' as I work through my personal journey using The Success Principles. In today's chat on the phone, she made reference to one of my pet peeves:  when people use the word 'busy'.

I call it the new "B" word and it drives me up the wall when I use it and it really ruffles my feathers when someone uses it.

"I'm afraid I can't chat on the phone very long because I am so busy."

"So sorry for not calling you back.  I have been so busy."

"Yeah, I couldn't reply to your email because I am so slammed and busy with all the messages that come into my in box."

You don't say? I mean, I'm sitting here twirling my hair for my morning's activity and then I think I'll take a nap as my afternoon activity, so I suppose I can't really relate to your struggles of living such a busy existence.

Well, newsflash:  All of us live full and somewhat overwhelming lives.  By choice, or by necessity, and it takes time to make time sometimes.

I hope to make the effort to communicate with folks as often as I can before I also find myself apologizing for the delay in getting back to someone.  I am attempting to use methods to balance all the information that comes my way with streamlining my email communications, for instance.  I also note important dates like birthdays and friend's doing job interviews in my planner and send them an email or text.  I prefer to call because it as close to human interaction as I can get living my busy, um, full life.  Sometimes, though, technology can be a friend on those occasions when a phone call is not possible.

I am far from having it all under control.  Ha!  But one of my priorities is to let people know in general - and to also remind the loves in my life - that they matter. Yes, I utter that darn "B" word myself and I am working on different language to stop driving myself nuts over it.  Instead, when our paths cross, you may hear me utter these words:

"I apologize for not calling you back.  I have been overwhelmed and I want you to know that you are important to me. Now, how the heck are you doing, friend? Can we grab a coffee or cocktail this week? I'd love to see you!".

“Most of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important.” 

― Stephen R. Covey

Why I didn't marry George Clooney

This past week, I couldn't escape the constant barrage of good news (or bad news, depending how you look at it) about George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin's blowout wedding in Venice, Italy that cost $13 million.  Don't even get me started about the money spent on the event - that's likely fodder for another post. I have been thinking about the event more then I likely should, but who can blame me when it is constantly in front of me, right?

But I do admit that this event, which is far from any real life experience I will ever have, did cause me to pause and consider how it fit into the context of my life.  I started thinking about things like: am I really envious about this?  Do I want to get married again? Will I ever get to Venice, Italy again (I visited that magnificent city in 2005)? Did I really want to marry George Clooney?

More importantly, I also asked myself:  who cares about a wedding between two famous people that took place in Italy? Why not think about the great event I am attending this evening that will touch on some of the great stuff going on with regards to humanities in our great state of Oregon? Why not think about the great time I'm having learning from professionals in the media industry all the while I am supporting artists on the "web-a-waves" (I do believe I just made that up on the fly; a new word to describe radio on the internet?)? Why not think about supporting a new friend in her work as a visual artist and taking a Sunday drive with the always delightful, Uncle Liam, to go check out that show near McMinnville?

Why not, indeed.

Yes, this is certainly a moment of perspective for me.  I have a life full of opportunity, abundance, flamboyant extravagance, meaningful relationships and I also have so much to offer many other people in this world.  Granted, I won't be joining George on his romps around Lake Como or his next world premiere of a film he stars in, but I do have a daughter to teach about dreaming big just like her momma does.

So, that's why I didn't marry George Clooney and I am totally okay with that.

We Can't All Be Oprah

We can't all be Oprah and that is just fine.  But it took me forever to get to that point of understanding that we all have our own paths to forge and follow.

If you know about Oprah's background, you know that she really went through all kinds of heck, especially during her younger years.  Somehow, someway she exceeded everyone's expectations and made quite a life for herself in the world of television.

I bring this up because I have taken to watching her weekly series, Super Soul Sunday, and leave the viewing feeling a bit more thoughtful about how to approach my upcoming week.  But I have also felt myself starting to push back a wee bit against the notion that we can simply pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and take on the world, just because we want to.

Most days are good.  Some days, not so much, and no matter how much positive self-talk I recite, I'm still stuck in the muck.  To tell you the truth, it feels awful but familiar and we know how much we all love to stick with what we know.

I've been doing all kinds of reading and research on best ways to navigate major life transitions and have come up with a whole list of great resources to use including approaches from Anthony Robbins. Believe it or not, if I feel like I'm slipping down the slope of Mt. Mucky Despair, I start belting out You Are My Sunshine.  Really. It works for me.  Granted, I haven't done so in a crowded restaurant, but you never know.  It might happen.

So, I know I'm not going to be the next Oprah Winfrey and that is just fine. I'm just going to be the best Dennise M. Kowalczyk I know how to be and that is more then good enough.

Knock, Knock

Who's there?

Opportunity.

Opportunity who?

Exactly.

This past week has been exceptionally good in regards to opportunity knocking on my door.  As a matter of fact, I had an average 9.2 rating of 'good energy' for the week.  Not bad.  Not bad at all.

You might wonder what made it so exceptional.  I had great conversations and connections with all kinds of folks.  It was in those exchanges that I heard opportunity knocking on my door and I decided to invite her in for a coffee.

I suppose my point is, I don't know what the outcomes will be when I put myself out there and 'doing the work' of making sure there is enough space to allow opportunity hang out for awhile, but you never know. 

You have to answer the knock.

I watched this great video produced by the incredible Ms. Marie Forleo (I so covet that woman's hair and charisma) talking with another amazing woman, Dr. Cathy Collautt about navigating unfavorable outcomes.  I applied Dr. Collautt's wisdom immediately and suffered a happiness hangover.  

Well, it was a good day, what can I say?

I love the idea of being right in the moment, moment by moment.  I can't express how tremendously more happy I am now that I take in the moments of my life in spoonfuls of exquisite delight.

The opportunity named Happiness is trolling the neighborhood and she is visiting all of us.  Go ahead. Answer the door.  You never know what might come of it.

 

No, thank you!

I have been out and about quite a bit these days meeting with all kinds of fabulous folks, from both the for profit and the public benefit sectors. These generous individuals are giving me some of their hard pressed time to talk about matters around the opportunities in the community and also share their insights about being part of the overall community. I thank each of them, in person, in email and - wait for it - with a handwritten thank you note.

I can be a bit old school, if you will, about some things around etiquette and the glory of the handwritten letter or note.  I love putting one of my favorite pens to paper and writing a kind word of appreciation about time well spent together, whether it be with a pal or a new professional associate.

I even write letters to pals who live around the country and it is such a treat to receive their responses in the mail, of all things.  I also save those notes I receive in a little book so when I am searching for a bit of boost or want to put a smile on my face, I page through my collection of love notes to add a little sunshine to my gray mood.

Granted, one must purchase the notecards and stamps, plus spend the time to compose a heartfelt message, but what a gesture that is relatively easy to do.  

The four letter word that I don't dare utter these days doesn't start with an "F"; it starts with a "B" as in "busy". All of us are busy and I now make it a point to open up a few moments each day to reach out and say 'thank you'.  I haven't pushed technology totally aside and use emails and text messaging to share a quick 'how are you doing?' or 'You are the cat's pajamas!' message several times a week.  But for some of those occasions, a handwritten note is my preferred method of communication of 'you are the best'.  Here's a great link about suggested modern etiquette when all you want to do is say 'thank you':

www.designsponge.com

If you want to send me a little note in the mail, let me know.  I'm happy to provide my address and do my part to help keep postal workers busy bringing words of gracious gratitude and love to mailboxes worldwide.

Thank you!

Communication Breakdown

Communication.  We wait for the call.  We send out the email. We post a status update. We comment. We tweet. We catch someone's eye from across the room. We write a letter. We send a text.

We are good at it.  We are bad at it.

I finally met the talented, Erin Donley.  We have been 'friends' on Facebook for quite awhile but never had actually met. She has great energy and great ideas when it comes to communication. I attended a recent workshop she hosted about finding your communication blind spots and using better words to communicate. It was illuminating!

One of the things we talked about was the potential of major e-mail meltdowns.  You know how it goes when someone writes something that can be misconstrued about fifteen different ways because we insert tone.

If you have met the sender, you likely 'imagine' them speaking that message to you (well, that's what I do) and depending on how I feel about that person effects how I 'hear' their message. My emotional temperature also effects the way I 'hear' the message. It can be a tricky wicket navigating those unpredictable waters of email communications.

I also get a bit overwhelmed with all the options and all the different opinions on which thing to use and how quickly one must respond to said communication.  Remember the good old days when you either spoke in person, called someone on the landline or wrote them a letter?  Now, we have other options and it gets very confusing.  I suspect there is an app development opportunity out there to help us navigate how to communicate how we like to communicate!

For example, here are my guidelines on using communication technology:

If it is urgent, call me on the phone and send a follow up text if I don't answer your call.
If it is important and is date sensitive, send me an email with that information.
If it is a sticky wicket conversation, talk with me in person.
If it is a message of gratitude, send me a handwritten note.
If it is a random or unimportant message, send me a text.

Some questions to consider:

• What are you preferred methods of communications and the various tools you like to use?  
• How do you feel when you leave home without your phone?
• Do you ever leave home without your phone?
• Do you have your smart phone set up to alert you about everything that is happening in your email, social media and texting activities? 
• What are your expectations around communication technology protocol?

I remember the first time I left my phone at home in error.  I was halfway to my destination when I realized it and I began to panic.  But then I heard the friendly little voice in my head say, "What did you do when you didn't have a cell phone and only had a landline, Dennise?"  Wow.  That was a telling moment.  As you can guess, I survived being cell-free.  By the way, if you are forced to use a rotary phone, here are some handy dandy instructions that will help you.

Now, if I could only learn how to change the settings on my smart phone to eliminate email and social media updates.  If you know how, send me an email.

Today's Action Word: Procrastination

I slept in today until 7:30 am instead of getting up at 6:30 am. I performed my morning ritual of writing and did my 20 minutes of meditation. I took my 20 minute walk. I talked with my good pal, Shari, on the phone about all things philosophical. I checked my Facebook page and my email.

Then I remembered, I need to do this, and that, and this, and that.

I have to prepare for an important phone call but instead I go out and cut a small bouquet of flowers for my office. I do my laundry. I empty the trash and recycling.

I know that I should be doing this and that and this. But I don't.

Ah, procrastination. It is like a friend in high school that you really don't care for but he keeps sending you friend requests on Facebook, so you finally cave only to suffer minor regrets from doing so.

pro·cras·ti·na·tion [proh-kras-tuh-ney-shuhn, pruh‐] noun - the act or habit of procrastinating, or putting off or delaying, especially something requiring immediate attention.

We all do it, don't we?  Why is that?  I know that if I just tackle what it is I am avoiding, I often feel a sensation of relief and accomplishment.  Why wouldn't I want to experience that more often than not?

I googled 'why do we procrastinate' and came up with this link at Psychology Today.  According to the experts consulted for this story, procrastinators are made not born and we do this in order to avoid success.   But we can change our behavior according to these folks as well.  We can read some books on how to rid ourselves of this terrible habit.  We can even get some therapy.  What I am going to do is just pause for a moment and as soon as I publish this post, I'm going to tackle one of those things I am avoiding.

And, then I'll take a look at those other suggestions after I put the laundry in the dryer.

Seatbelt Not Required

The other day, I was thinking about a Jodi Foster film called Contact.  In that 1997 film, Jodi's character builds a machine to go on a trip in space.  In a particular scene, she is strapped into a seat to 'keep her safe from harm' but as she sees her necklace floating around her, she decides to unstrap herself. Lo and behold, she also floats freely and magically, in total safety.

(the scene I am describing is at about 3 minutes)

 

I thought about this as an analogy to all the times I have made decisions to buckle myself in tight because I was afraid to just float and be in a situation. How many times have you done the same thing? How many conversations have you had wanting to say exactly the proper thing in order avoid a misstep? How many opportunities have to passed on due to uncertainty of outcome? Personally, my own answers to those questions reveal a rather high number.

At this point in my career and my life, I am rethinking how I approach projects, partnerships and new opportunities. Granted, risk can be calculated to a certain extent and should be in some situations. However, I wonder how it will all play out if I take some chances without my own set of safety belts locked firmly in place?

Here's a challenge for all of us:  let's take a risk this week, shall we?  Let's take a chance at doing something that is unfamiliar and see where it takes us. It could be launching that business that has been #37 on your 'to do list' for the past decade.  It could be exploring an entirely new career as a museologist. It could be eating guacamole for the first time in your life.

You never know until you know you know, you know?  Then again, maybe you won't and that is okay, too.

Don't Kill the Cat

I went on a hike this past weekend and one of the gals in the group mentioned that her personal intention was to welcome more wonder into her life.  I really love that idea.

We are bombarded with so much of the unpleasant, reality-based nonsense these days - wouldn't be wonderful (pun intended) to be motivated by our curiosity and our desire to learn, rather then struggling with how to navigate obstacles 24/7?

I am as curious as cat, which may not be the message I'm trying to convey here but then again, I may be by suggesting throwing a little caution to the wind. Now is the time to be open to exploration and wonder.

I went on another one of those fabulous Ten Toe Walks organized by the City of Portland. This past weekend, the walk featured a stroll around historic Sellwood. I learned so much!  I even discovered a puppet museum that I am looking forward to returning to with my daughter in coming weeks.  It is called Ping Pong's Pint Size Puppet Museum and it offers free admission for its current exhibit, Fun with Czech Fairy Tales. 

   

I also struck up a conversation with one of the walkers, Jean, and believe I made a new friend in the process. I did so without using any social media platform in the process - now, isn't that something?

I guess, in summary, there is a wonderful world that surrounds us and is available to each of us to explore.  I believe the core of creativity comes from that unending, relentless need to explore, learn, discover and be awestruck by all that surrounds us and, by what is in us, too.

I share a video that was sent to me a week or so ago.  It is one of those fabulous TEDTalks about The Three A's of Awesomeness.  The speaker, Neil Pasricha, talks about curiosity and wonder - click here to enjoy!

Change is Good

My living-room is now my dining-room.

My dining-room is now my living-room.

I went and mixed things up a bit just for the heck of it.  My motto this week is: change is good.

I don't know about you, but I sometimes feel a tad uncomfortable with change.  This week, I'm changing all of that (pun intended).

Being a creative person takes a bit of effort sometimes and the best way to get that energy is to either take a walk (see other posts) or change things up and see what happens.

I am reading a book by Dominique Browning called Around the House and in the Garden.  In the chapter titled "Couch Therapy", she describes the wonderful benefits of having a couch in her kitchen. I'm guessing, in her case, she had a bit more square footage in her abode in comparison to my sweet home, but I was inspired.

So, that's how my living-room became my dining-room and my dining-room became my living-room.  An added bonus is a reading area and it is like having a third space!

My recommendation to you if you are stuck in the mud, so to speak, is to change it up a little bit.  Take a little risk now and again because you never know until you know you know, you know?

Milk Dud the dog seems to have adjusted to the new flow of energy in the house but I'm not sure how the 10 year old daughter is going to respond when she gets home.  Perhaps she will also embrace it with both arms. You never know.

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” 

― Andy Warhol, The Philosophy of Andy Warhol

  

Creative Walking

I've been doing a lot of personal evaluation these days and one of the questions I am trying to answer is:  What is my purpose?

That is a rather loaded question to consider, isn't it?  Well, as I ask myself this question on a daily basis in some fashion or another, I always find myself standing in front of the word, creativity.

I have decided to live my life creatively.  My purpose in life is to somehow, someway to help others do so as well.  

I parent creatively.

I work creatively.

I love creatively. 

But how does a gal find ways to unlock all that potential?  I take walks.  Yup - yet another post about walking.

I am not a runner.  I tried that form of movement three and half times over the years and I embraced the reality it just isn't my thing.  I am too busy thinking about how hard it is to breathe and how my legs ache.  Instead, I walk and look up and down and all around.  It is amazing what I discover and where that then leads me down my own creative path.

Just today, I checked off an item on my 101 Things to Do List: a stroll around the Irvington Neighborhood.  

I grabbed my foamy latte from my favorite coffee place, Twenty Six Cafe and began my day of exploration. It was during today's walk that I revisited wonder and awe with discoveries of a my very first fairy house, a beautiful paper-thin poppy flower and an old growth tree in the middle of the neighborhood.

  

Now, you must wonder how this has anything to do with creativity?  Well, now my 'well is full'.  I have filled it with wonder, awe and beauty. Now, I can return to my work with a colorful canvas of magical images floating around in my brain and creatively, take on the task at hand.

“If you seek creative ideas go walking.

Angels whisper to a man when he goes for

a walk.” ― Raymond I. Myers

Have a great weekend!

Dennise

Walk This Way

I am always trying to get the creative juices flowing these days since I, like many of us, are bombarded with one distraction after the next -- am I right?Well, I came up with a great one:  taking a walk.

I am in the process of a personal journey these days using The Success Principles by Jack Canfield. You know that guy, right?  He puts together a series of books called Chicken Soup for the Soul, which are collections of inspirational essays written by all kinds of people.  The essays are short stories sharing insights and words of wisdom on all kinds of topics ranging from positive thinking to motherhood to overcoming big obstacles.  You name it, they got a story.  I love the books and read a few stories just before bed to put some good stuff in the old noggin as I drift off -- but I digress.

A good friend of mine gave me my very own copy of his book, The Success Principles, and I have been eating it up.  Not literally of course, but learning about different ways to be more successful in all areas of my life.

One of my personal goals is to take more walks.  Simply put, I want to look up into that sky and look down in the grass to see what is going on around me. Just as I put that intention out into the Universe, low and behold, I spot a link about Ten Toe Walks (courtesy of Portland Living on the Cheap).

The activity is put together by the City of Portland and includes FREE, guided walking tours all over the city on Thursday nights at 6 pm and Saturday mornings at 9 am (during the summer months). You can get the whole scoop right here.

I attended the very first one this past weekend that started out at The Grotto and walked up to the top of Rocky Butte.

  

   

It was a four mile walk and we had beautiful weather.  I loved just clearing my head and just enjoyed being out in the woods.  I met new people and learned a lot about this little pocket of Portland.  I really encourage to check one, or all, of these walks out.  Be sure to bring a change of shoes as there will likely be mud along the way.  Be sure to bring some water and snacks as well as, especially as the weather warms up.

This is a great way to clear you head so your Next Big Idea has space to come alive in your imagination. 

See you on the trail!

-- Dennise (May 13, 2014)

Social Media Doesn't Have to Rule Your Life

Social media is taking over our lives in so many ways.  Just this week, I learned how I can use it (instead of it using me) to find opportunities thanks to Barbara Barde of Barde Career Solutions.  Barbara facilitated a session at PCC Climb about how to use social media to find work.

We all know about the biggies:  Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.  Personally, I used the first two in my work but, ironically, did not use LinkedIn very much at all.

My biggest question is how to manage it all!  Well, here is a list of some possible tools to help keep you a little bit sane (thanks to Barde Career Solutions for assembling the list):

1.  HootSuite
2.  TweetDeck
3.  Seesmic
4.  SocialOomph
5.  CoTweet (this service no longer exists)
6.  Ping.fm (may be part of Seesmic)
7.  TwitterFeed
8.  SpredFast

One of the biggest take aways I walked out with was how important and robust Twitter is in a job search.  It can help with searching for opportunities and connecting with the people and organizations making a difference in the community.